Holiday Politics

Holidays and politics do not go hand-in-hand, at least not for me. Talking politics during Thanksgiving dinner is inappropriate and obnoxious. That is to say, whenever said conversations cause anger or arguments. Politics these days make me angry, worried, and full of dread.

Another issue exists in my family, or more specifically, my husband’s family. His mother is extremely liberal and he is extremely conservative. It reminds me of when my mother warned her husband and my grandmother never to talk politics. This was over 30 years ago when it was just the democrats vs. the republicans and, at that time, I didn’t understand my mother’s demand for silence between them. Now I understand all too well.

There have been a couple of instances when my mother-in-law angered me because she couldn’t keep her opinions to herself. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion but I also believe there are certain times when those opinions should not be voiced. For instance, during Thanksgiving. The last couple of years have been fine but the first Thanksgiving we hosted caused me not to invite her back for some time (or even to host). The excuse for her behavior was that she wasn’t taking her meds at the time but I’m not entirely convinced.

During that Thanksgiving she brought up politics five or six times stating that everyone around her was on the opposite side of her politically. She stated during each outbreak that she had to start drinking before coming over and that she had to keep drinking since everyone was against her. By the third outbreak, I was exasperated and by the fourth, I was pissed. By the fifth, I decided to ignore her and go about my celebration without her. She was still there, but I paid attention to others instead.

Years later, she is taking her medication regularly but her politics are still what they are. I’m okay with that, what I’m not okay with is the other times when she was on her medication but still couldn’t determine the right and wrong time to bring up politics. This is what has led me to believe that the first Thanksgiving was not entirely the fault of a lack of medication.

Vector illustration of a democratic donkey and a republican elephant in a TV studio debating at a lectern. They are angrily looking at each other. Concept for US politics, elections, television and the media, presidential elections, political parties, rivalry, conflicts and debates.

The last time was during our visit to another state for my husband’s grandmother’s funeral. Over the course of the funeral and other events she brought up a dream she had the night before that was political in nature. During the dream she was surrounded by republicans and a famous political figure was there (someone she liked… I believe it was Bernie Sanders). She told several people about this dream and would follow up with “and here I am… seems like an omen”. Every conversation brought attention to herself and everyone responded with a very odd look on their face. No one knew what to say to her. Was she awaiting an apology? An excuse? An acknowledgement that she was a victim?

By the fourth time I overheard this conversation, I was determined to say something to her if I she brought it up one more time. Luckily, for both of us, I never overheard her again. I was furious! I’m certain I am not expressing my anger to the fullest because I can’t write down every example or even remember them all. What I do know is that some people just can’t let things go… and I might be one of them. I try and will continue to try to let these moments in time vanish from my thoughts.

These instances, along with others, have put a wedge between us. I’m nice to her and during this year’s celebration I had a neat conversation with her about football and food. I never bring up anything that might lead into politics. When we talk about sports or food, all is well. So that is what I will do and I will also try to let these past things go as well. It’s more important to have her with us during the holidays, especially for my husband, so I ignore the hints to how unfair life is under the rule of one party over another.

It’s a long hard journey and I believe more and more that politics can make or break a relationship. I am thankful that so many people were able to join us for Thanksgiving and will continue to bring everyone together, all the while reminding myself that I’m also thankful that we can have differences of opinion and just move forward with our lives.

This post was originally seen on Alexandria (aleksandreia.com).

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